5 Post-Breakup Cliches That Don't Actually Help Anybody

Breaking up with somebody sucks - there's no two ways about it. Firstly, there's a lot of emotional fallout to deal with in the wake of the sudden loss of an important figure in your life. But that isn't all - one of the absolute worst things about a breakup is talking to your friends about it later on.

The problem is more than just admitting that the relationship is actually over and it's more than the feeling of being smacked in face by reality when you tell your friends - it's in how they react to the news and what they say in an attempt to comfort you.

Cue the post-breakup clichés.

Usually your friends will be genuinely concerned and try to make you feel better, but there are a lot of things that you don't want to hear immediately after you've broken up with somebody that you care about.

Obviously, I understand that everybody deals with breakups differently - some people may find these phrases very comforting and helpful - so the following list doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. But for me, telling me any of these woefully misguided sentiments is completely unhelpful, makes the breakup a lot harder to deal with and will lead to me being much less inclined to want to talk to you about what I'm going through.

So, as somebody that has just recently gone through a break up, I'm going to do you a favour and lay out some of the things that you're saying that aren't actually helping that friend of yours who just broke up with their significant other.

5. "Time heals all wounds"

... Are you kidding me with this? No? Okay.

The number of people that I've heard use this phrase, or some variation of it, is absolutely incredible. I understand what you're trying to say. You're trying to say "I know that this hurts right now but at some point down the line you're going to be okay because this isn't the end of the world." The thing is though, that isn't really how it's going to sound to your friend while they're upset. To them it's going to sound like this: "I don't care enough to talk to you about what you're going through. I am dismissing your pain. Let's move along."
Also, if you think that four words or less has adequately covered your role as a friend then shame on you.

4.  "That's such a shame, you were so good together!"

If you don't see what the problem is with this then there's probably no helping you.

Telling your friend that they were "so good" with the person that they just broke up with is not helping them at all. Why on earth would you think that this would be helpful? They don't need to be reminded of how good things were before; they're probably doing enough of that on their own. And if they're the one who broke things off, for whatever reason, saying this will make them second guess their decision, even if it was the right thing for them to do.

3. "There are plenty of fish in the sea"

You know what? You're right, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. That isn't the problem. The problem is that the fish that your friend was just attached to is no longer there and they are still upset about that specific one. Chances are that your friend most likely isn't interested in "going fishing" at the moment.

2. "Just think of all the things that you can do now that you're single!"

If you've been in a relationship for a long time then that person ends up becoming a really significant part of your life, breaking up changes that. You need time to adjust to that change.

When your friend says that they feel like a piece of them is missing, it's only partly melodrama. The fact is, something that was previously there is now completely gone and it takes time to come to terms with that. Reminding somebody that they're single and can do a whole bunch of new things will also remind them of all the things that are different for them now and all the changes that they are going to have to make in their life to compensate for that.

1. "So, are you still friends? You should really stay friends."

Depending on how the relationship ended, they might still be friends or maybe they can get there again, but they're probably going to need a bit of time before that's even a possibility.
It's easy for mutual friends to forget that relationships are significantly more intense than friendship and, even with the tidiest of breakups, there will always be strong emotions to deal with for at least one party. The amount of time needed to deal with those emotions varies from person to person and they're going to need you to be patient while they adjust to being "just friends" with somebody that they used to date.

Don't be a jerk and try to pressure your friend into "moving on" or "getting over it" because it won't help them cope and it is incredibly unfair of you to ask that of your friend just because you want things to go back to the way you want them.

Bonus: "Everything happens for a reason."

No. Just stop, okay?

Overall, I think the best piece of information that I can impart is this: if you have a friend who has recently broken up with somebody, the appropriate response is "I'm sorry to hear that. If you want to talk about it then I'm here for you" then actually listen to them. Don't throw a whole bunch of clichés at them in the hopes that one of them will stick.  It's really not that hard to listen to your friend is saying, and should stop your friend from wanting to strangle you for being incredibly insensitive.